By Mary Keen
Have you ever played Two Truths and a Lie? It’s a classic icebreaker game and a great way to get to know people. One person makes three statements about themselves: two true and one false. It is up to the others in the group to determine which one is not accurate. Many times, people guess the wrong statement and gasps of surprise fill the room. They thought the lie was the truth.
Have you ever gone through the day believing what seemed to be the truth, but ended up being a lie? I just raised my hand. I’m sure we all have more times than we care to remember.
Never. Always.
It can be difficult to separate the truth from a lie, especially if we lie to ourselves. Sometimes we can fixate on a lie for such a long time it almost seems true. We tell ourselves, “I know I shouldn’t believe this, but I do.” Our self-lies are often negative and discouraging. Lies can also come from others and start to crowd out the truth in our mind.
We need to be very cautious throwing around words like NEVER and ALWAYS. “You’ll NEVER be able to swim in college.” “You ALWAYS complain during practice.” There may be elements of truth in these statements. You may not swim elite division 1, but there very well could be a college that is a best fit for your talent and academic interests. You may complain sometimes and need to improve, but words like “ALWAYS” exaggerates and makes the problem seem unsolvable. Both lies could prompt an athlete to give up. This is definitely not the desired direction!
Help your teammate. Help yourself.
We need to be truth-tellers and call out the negative lies that we and our teammates believe. Let’s face it, practices can be hard. People may start thinking they can’t do it. Meet performances may not produce the times you wanted, and you can spiral into negative self-worth. Make it a habit to call out the lies. Say something like, “That’s not true. You have done hard practices before. You can do this.” Or, “try your best, but don’t give up.” After a meet, reassure teammates of positive aspects of the meet (be specific) and remind them that one meet is just a snapshot, not their whole swimming career or much less their life. The rest of the story is still being written. There will be more opportunities to compete.
Helping your teammates will also help you. Strengthening the resolve of your training partner also serves as a reminder to yourself not to give into despair and hopelessness. You may also find that they will in turn help you when you start to believe the lies.
Some of the most comforting conversations can be had between two athletes simultaneously battling fatigue, hunger, pain, negative thought patterns and so on. You are in the fight together, so understand each other’s weaknesses and seek to build each other up instead of putting fuel on the fire of doubts.
Act upon truth no matter how you feel.
Lies aren’t the only thing that can lead you astray. Feelings are tricky and can derail your behavior just as quickly. But feelings don’t equal truth. This is great news because we aren’t obligated to follow our feelings that we can’t always control. We do have the opportunity to follow the truth.
Let’s unpack this a little further. How many times have you dreaded getting up for morning practice? How many times have you wanted to swim the 100 x 100’s? Probably not very many. But if you let yourself be led by your feelings, you won’t get much accomplished. Making the hard right choice is better than the wrong easy path. When you complete the hard but worthwhile task the feelings of dread are transformed into satisfaction. You are glad you did the work and consequently you feel better. Yet, if you waited until you feel like it, you never would have done the hard task.
Which is it? Yes or No
Have you ever felt conflicted? You have a decision to make, and you are just stuck. No progress is being made. Consider a New Year’s goal of making better food choices to fuel your performance. Part of you wants to eat healthier, menu plan, meal prep, and shop for deals on protein bars. The other part of you doesn’t want to put in the effort. This part of you has already made-up excuses to avoid the hard work. “What if it doesn’t change anything?” “I swim hard, shouldn’t I eat whatever I want?”
We do have free choice. But which part of your thoughts are based in truth. Is there documented proof that sports nutrition enhances performance? Yes. Will you feel crummy if you eat junk before a race? Yes. Which part will you gravitate toward? The one anchored in truth or fantasy? Many of our choices are not so complicated when you break it down like that. You may not choose the part grounded in truth, but you can’t deny it.
At work, I recently surveyed people with multiple health issues that would benefit from eating healthier. When asked if they would be willing to implement these changes, they typically said, “I know I should, I just don’t want to.” Refreshing honesty. No excuses. They knew the consequences and chose the easy path anyway. We have a choice, but it is good to recognize the truth and the consequences of not making the best choices.
This practice doesn’t end.
While most swim practices are over in two hours, the practice of discerning truth is ongoing. The upside is you can get better and detect the lies more quickly. As we spoke about earlier, this can benefit you and your teammates.
One “pro tip” for spotting lies is to look for patterns. People often have an identifiable weakness. It is a place of doubt or insecurity that many of the lies keep circling. Maybe you are worried about your meet performance or have social anxiety. Maybe you don’t want to disappoint your parents, coach, or teammates. Lies come in and expose cracks in our thought life and threaten to make them even bigger. We can tend to spiral and start playing the “What If” game. What if I miss my turn? What if Coach is disappointed with my race? You get the idea. You fast forward and play out all the worst-case scenarios.
The problem with thinking this way is you miss the present reality where you can make real changes to positively impact the future. The present reality is anchored in truth. Now is the time to prepare and practice the turn and prepare yourself to get a good grip. Now is the time to get the advice from your Coach to swim your best race. Even if it doesn’t meet your expectations, you can learn and grow from it.
Lies kill motivation.
If you don’t believe you can do the hard thing, you likely won’t try. If you do try, it may be half-hearted because you expect failure. Be sure what you’re telling yourself and the advice you are listening to is actually true. On the flip side, some people thrive when someone tells them they can’t do something. They immediately set out to prove them wrong. While it is a satisfying feeling, one could argue in the attempt to prove them wrong you never really thought they were right. You saw an opening of the door of opportunity and the chance to bring the truth to light.
The point is, don’t let someone else tell you your goal is impossible. They may not see how it can be accomplished and it may not happen overnight. But there may be a pathway to realize the goal with the right work ethic, nutrition, coaching, etc.
Renew Your Vision.
It is easier to see when others are lying to themselves than to recognize the lies we tell ourselves. For example, it’s easy to see someone else unnecessarily skipping practices and expect that they won’t be improving any time soon. Perhaps they may believe a lie and blame it on the coach or provide another excuse. Yet we know that without taking ownership, there won’t be real progress.
When it comes to yourself, it is harder to see the lies. You may attend every practice and work hard but have a steady diet of fried food and sugary soda and wonder why your endurance is not improving or why you’re getting sick a lot. You may be lying to yourself that nutrition doesn’t matter because you don’t really want to put in the extra work necessary to make your hard work in the water pay off.
Again, it is easier to see the lie in others than us. So next time you are critical of your teammate, look in the mirror. Get back on track. Then humbly help your teammate recognize the lies they believe.
Choose Your Hard.
Recently I received some test results back indicating I need to change my diet and start taking some new supplements. Maybe you are switching coaches or headed off to train with a new team. Perhaps you are rehabbing after an injury and have a demanding PT schedule. All of you are probably in the throes of Winter Training. Whatever your hard circumstance is, consider the consequences of not doing the hard things. Wouldn’t they also be hard? Chronic pain is hard for me. Giving up swimming because of a fear of change is hard. An injury that never improves is hard. Not seeing improvement because of a lack of work is hard. You must choose your hard. Personally, I’m choosing to add dietary restrictions and supplements rather than continue feeling sick.
Don’t misunderstand. I don’t always pick the best route. I don’t always see the truth. However, as the new year begins and you have dreams for 2025, consider which hard is consistent with your goals. What reminders do you need to hear from yourself and others? Think about not only what you want to do, but also WHY. Knowing the WHY will help you stick with the program and lean into the difficult days realizing they have purpose.
Conclusion
What lie could you be believing? There are lots of statements and feelings to filter through every day from friends, family, social media and of course ourselves. Beware of words like NEVER and ALWAYS. Practice weeding out the lies and embrace the truth even if it is difficult to navigate. Enlist your teammates and those close to you to help. Don’t let your feelings dictate your actions. And remember you always have a choice. Just make sure you are rooted in truth and identify the real consequences of your choices.
Hopefully over time when you are faced with two truths and a lie, you will quickly identify and avoid the lie.
Mary Keen is a Purdue graduate and experienced pharmacist. While homeschooling her four children, she has supported their competitive swimming careers from age group through high school and now at the collegiate level. Mary has personally navigated the gluten free/dairy free life and has a passion to help others reach their full potential in and out of the water.